Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
