New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
