I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
