So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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