Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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