Non-Jews are for practice
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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