Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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