that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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