this beer tastes like vomit already
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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