Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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