i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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