Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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