Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
