question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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