to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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