I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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