How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
