You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
