i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
