i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have aggressive nipples.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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