captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
