dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
