he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
