He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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