so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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