You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
