I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
