she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
