my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
