I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
