And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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