The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
