have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
