My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
