we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
