I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
