all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
