he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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