btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
