Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
