My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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