Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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