you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
as a side note pls kill me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
