What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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