if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
