And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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