FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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