oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
