He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
