GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize