Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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