Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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