No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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