hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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