yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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