the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
