btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Say something about gay babies.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
