How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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