Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
