I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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