ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
