Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
