She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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