Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
