Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
smell my finger.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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