She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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