so explain again why im purple
no
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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