so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
