I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
