haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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