I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
