they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
