can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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