she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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