He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
