I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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