He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
