You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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