p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
