you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
