Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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