this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
