I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
