just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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