When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
