I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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